101 Ways To Get An FBI File

101 Ways to get an FBI file...

1. Attend the same high school as an infamous terrorist bomber. 2. Return address all your mail to "The Unabomber." 3. Wander around airports in a turban and sandals. 4. Request your file form the FBI under the Freedom of Information Act 5. Title all your e-mail messages "Bombing plot details". 6. The Big-ass Communist 18-wheeler!!! 7. Attend the meeting of any group with "revolutionaly" in its name. 8. Walk up to an FBI agent sporting an Army jacket and a mohawk and tell him you want to be an FBI agent. 9. Paint a hammer and sickle on all your personal belongings. 10. Do deals with the Chinese (no wait our government does that). 11. Publish lists on how to get an FBI file. 12. Vote Workers World 13. Randomly insert the phrase "Socialist revolution" into phone conversations. 14. Buy a copy of "The Turner Diaries." 15. Buy lots and lots and lots of guns and bury them in your backyard. 16. Start a crack pipeline into the US (no wait our government does that). 17. Burn a flag burn one NOW NOW NOW. 18. Assassinate JFK. 19. Name all your kids Tupak Amaru. 20. Appear in public in a ski mask and a hat with "EZLN" written real big across it. 21. Blow shit up. 22. Join the alt.racism.let's-start-the-race-war news group. 23. Rent a Ryder track and park it somewhere near a Federal building. 24. Attend an 'alternative' college. 25. Declare yourself a Trotskyite. 26. Stand outside an abortion clinic yelling, "DON'T TRY TO STOP ME OR I'LL BLOW US ALL TO HELL!!!" 27 Go door to door selling a new "death machine" to rival Dr Kevorkian's. 28. Send sexually explicit love letters to the president's daughter. 29. Send sexually explicit love letters to the attorney general, Janet Reno. 30. Join the CIA, sell top secret info to Russia, drive a car that costs twice your annual income (never mind that's been done) 31. Play football for the Dallas Cowboys. 32. Work for a Sicilian "family" business. 33. Stand in the park and read scripture backwards. 34 Write to America's Most Wanted and tell them to stop picking on your friends. 35. Become a disgruntled postal worker. 36. Find Hoffa. 37. resort to cannibalism whenever a recession hits. 38 Leave a message on your answering machine that says "you can leave a message, or I can just take advantage of all my newly-plundered telecommunication-equipment and find out where you live." 39. Request that all job interviews be conducted either underground or in dimly-lit alleyways. 40. Openly brag about how easily you can have people who piss you off "whacked." 41. Reverently recite lines from Communist Manifesto 42. Paint the White House black. 43. Buy a trailer just outside any airbase in the US and put up a big sign that says "Area 51 This Way." 44. Shoot the President. 45. Revive the Young Lords. 46. Join the Zionist Organizational Government (it's fun!!!) 47. Write to an ex-president and ask them how much they know about the alien conspiracy. 48. Buy yourself a Che Guevarva t-shirt. 49. Declare your love for Castro everywhere you go (especially Miami). 50. Tell everyone you meet who hassles you to "stop busting your balls." 51. Decode the matrix that controls the universe (NIMBY #5 reference). 52. Start an anarchist organization, then become the subject of the cover story of your local entertainment paper. 53. Create a web page with a home page with a button that says, "If you are an FBI agent you must enter the site HERE." 54. Shoot Ronald Reagan (again). 55. Mail a Northwestern University professor a big envelope of pot and sign it "The Unabonger." 56. Move to a small cabin in the backwoods of Montana. 57. At the beginning of every school day yell, "I NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE!!!" instead of saying the pledge. 58. Sing the first verse of "Deutchland Uber Alles" at ball games instead of the National Anthem. 59 Serve food disgared by supermarkets to the hungry in a park in San Francisco. 60. Find a cop and follow him/her with a video camera all day. 61. Fall in love 62. Find women for Bill Clinton. 63. Become involved in a messy stabbing and a bank robbery and write about it years later in the Buffalo News. 64. Rent a Ryder Truck, prominently displaying "Pendleton, NY" as your home address. 65. Take anything on "The X-Files" seriously. 66. Mail "Space Moose" comics to children. 67 - 101. These ways are classified and we are unable to publish them. Sorry.