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1. Go see a Green Day Show!!! (no, that's too close to suicide) 2. Watch the Discovery Channel 3. Contemplate aerosol Cheez Whiz 4. Become a militant vegetarian 5. Fuck with your face 6. Read The BIBLE cover to cover 7. Shave all the hair off of your body B. Call "Rapid Fire" and hang up 9. Say something about Howard Stern's penis on Rush Limbaugh 10. Say something about Rush Limbaugh's penis on Howard Stern 11. Eat a burrito 12. Raise pets 13. Play golf 14. Buy a "Jerry Garcia" tie and burn it!!! 15. Buy a Penthouse and read all the articles 16. Kick a Deadhead 17. Read a book 18. Start your own indie label 19. Become a professional Boy Scout Worker 20. Visualize Whirled Peas 21. If you are female, go to Jed's house, and throw your naked, writhing body upon his purple, stone pony 22. Do something stupid, and call it performance art 23. Go Hawaiian! 24. Attend a pep rally 25. Beat up Jockboy 26. Munch retinal burn for lunch 27. See how fast your Mom's car goes in reverse 28. Talk to Mr. Pink 29. Kick a Deadhead (twice. hard. for me.) 30. Commit a violent felony, request a large, hairy, queer roommate in jail, each morning tell him he reminds you of your dad 31. When your parents have company, sit on the couch and drool 32. Hold up the school cafeteria (again) 33. Live up to the ideals of your parents 34. Purchase a home lobotomy kit 35. Rob a bank and cry if you get caught 36. Vomit 37. Play Dead 3B. Read some Kerouac 39. Go through the drive-thrus of local fast food establishments without a car (again) 40. Spontaneously combust or die trying 41. Dig a very deep hole, push people in, then look down at them and think how much better your life is than theirs...or just laugh 42. Tread water 43. Purchase a nice frilly smock 44. Ponder Immanuel Kant's theory of relative dichotomy 45. Shave a Yak (I don't care if he doesn't like it. Do it, you tubby bitch!) 46. Sit on a bench in any mall in America, and laugh your ass off at all the stupid people 47. Ask me for a quarter...c'mon I dare you 48. Do a crossword puzzle 49. Invent a new disease then cure yourself of it. 50. Try to find a drummer 51. Eat something Kosher 52. Become a truck driver's apprentice 53. Walk into a convenience store and ask if they have hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback...then buy Mini-Trucker Magazine 54. Kill Rock Stars 55. Laugh at Buffalo's pathetic FM stations 56. Ask the pilot if you can drive for awhile 57. Give yourself a vasectomy via weed-wacker 58. Go West (it's better out there) 59. Go for walk barefoot through a shallow, leech infested stream 60. Run for Congress 61. Go bowling 62. Go boating on the river and forget the sunscreen (again) 63. Go deli-hopping 64. Become a deli-fly 65. Play Quick DrawTM 66. Build an anatomically correct snowperson 67. Play CALVINBALL 68. Disgruntle a Postal Worker 69. Worship the Potato God - or you shall perish in a barren field as millions die around you 70. Help someone find a contact lens 72. Adopt a parking meter 73. Spend an entire day trying to pretend you're paralyzed, then realize you're dreaming, but can see and can't move, then try to get a hard-on. 74. Go speulunking with the Pope (He loves it!!!) 75. Get MET. It pays. Me. 76. For one day, just one day, listen to and do what the voices in your head tell you to 77. Set Your Goals 78. Reminisce the 80's 79. Suck a mime. Dry. 80. Swim in the mainstream 81. Drop your stereo off a 98 story building, then sue whoever it hits for breaking it 82. Play RISK in the park 83. Have Worf's children 84. Sue O.J.(again) 85. Forget to put the noodles in the BeeF Noodle Soup. 86. Go see Friday the 13th,part 6.02x10^23 87. Put saltshakers at the ends of each of your ten fingers then shake hands with people at the Old Folks' Home 88. Cover yourself with grip tape and let the skaters have their way with you 89. Drink from the urinal (again) 90. Say "tartlets" 10 or 20 times real fast. Never fails to amuse. 91. Stand outside an American Legion Hall with lots of windows and burn an American flag 92. Participate In Government 93. Go swimming in your town's water tower 94. Donate your me (again) 95. Time to Pee 96. Almost kill me at the bank 97. Ask to borrow a cup of insulin 98. Mosh with jocks and jack-offs 99. Break your Mom out of prison (again) 100. Hook up all the trailers in Leisure Acres to a southbound train 101. Become a guidance counselor