Back to Issue 8 | Back to Chuck Firebomb's Nihilistic Minute
Excuse us while we cover our asses... Chuck may be witty and insightful, but hes also just a touch on the sketchy side. Chucks opinions do not necessarily reflect ours, and please dont hurt anyone or break anything. Or at least dont blame us. (Were only here to entertain...)
FUCK (up) THE VOTE!
Hey ho kids, Im back. If any of you wonder where Ive been, Ive
got two words for you... PLAUSIBLE DENIAL.
So as it is now summer 1998, we are a mere five or so months away from some
major senate and gubernatorial elections, and about two and a half years away
from the next presidential election. Which of course means that the media is
getting revved up for lots of election sort of shit. Two years ago, you may
remember that the American people voted a certain Bill Clinton to
be our Commander in Chief in an election so hot that something like thirty five
percent of registered voters actually voted. This has of course been followed
by two years of important political discussions about who the president is fucking
and how we can screw the third world and stroke China. Then again, of course,
Clintons biggest opponent was Bob Dole, the one-armed tool of the armed
religious extreme right. Some choice, huh?
Now I figure a lot of you out there probably voted for Clinton just because
you didnt want Dole to be president. I know for a fact that several of
my esteemed friends and editors here at NIMBY! did the same thing. I, on the
other hand, cast a write-in vote for Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber. (Not that
I agree with him, I just think it would be fun to see him in the White House.)
Now I know there are lots of leftist liberal types out there who will tell you
not to vote. The problem with not voting is that the media and the powers that
be have invented this neat little concept called voter apathy. Basically,
when they present us with a Republicrat and a Republicrat to choose between,
if no one bothers to show, they somehow manage to blame this on the horrible
bad citizen voters, instead of seeing as a big no vote against the
whole fucking system. Basically, not voting is like shooting yourself in the
foot. On the other hand, voting for a candidate you dont like is like
shooting yourself in the fucking head. How can you support a man you hate?!
How can you authorize some fat old business-suited fucker to run your life,
just signing away your freedom like that? Because THATS what youre
doing when you pull the lever for some fat cat creep politicianyoure
giving that fat fuck validity to rule you.
Obviously, many people fear that if they vote the way they feel, a lot more
people will vote for someone else, who theyre really vehemently against.
Obviously these people have forgotten that we live in America, the land of the
easy gun purchase. Some people seem to forget that the ultimate truth of democracy
is that anyone can shoot the President. Havent you people heard of Lee
Harvey Oswald, or my personal hero, Leon Czolgosz, the man who capped McKinley?
Its that easy! Yeah, the VP might not be much better but at least youve
reminded them who ruledYOU do. The message here is that youre a
moron first class if you vote for one fat cat in order to vote against another.
Obviously, (I seem to be saying that a lot, but I guess some of these ideas
arent quite so obvious as they should be) in a perfect world you could
always vote for a candidate you believe in. For those you who actually dont
mind being governed, there are so many third parties out there that this is
almost certainly true for you. For example, for all you hippie Republicans out
there who dont have the balls to vote for Buchanan, theres the Natural
Law party (a.k.a. Jack Kemp on ginseng). Slightly more liberal Republicans might
want to look into the Libertarian party, who, ever since they moved right, are
pretty much the Republican party without the money and the rabid Christian jihad
backing them. For those of you who actually believe in the rights of the poor
to be more than surplus labor, consider the Green party, who I must give mad
props for backing Ralph Nader in 96. And for those of you who dont
mind being labeled leftists, theres a myriad of socialist
and communist parties out there, mainly because most of them are too stupid
to unite to fight.
The media and the powers that be, once again, have come up wit a convenient
concept to keep the masses from voting third party, and thats the concept
of throwing away your vote. This concept is the biggest fucking
lie in the history of centralized power, and has been the major tool for keeping
the masses complacent this decade. Since when has individuality and forming
your own opinions been a waste? What kind of stupid fucking sheep are you anyway?
Well, heres the truth to destroy that Big Lie. In 96 something like
two thirds of registered voters did not vote. Thats way more than a fucking
majority. In other words, we do not, repeat, NOT live under a popularly elected
government. And in other words, if that two-thirds of the populace stopped listening
to the Big Lie, we could easily put any of those pigs in office out on the street.
Get the message? Dammit, quit voting for these people! Vote how you believe!
For others (like me) there are no candidates, possibly because we object to
the whole fucking system. Unfortunately, our system lacks something I see as
a basic need of any democratic system a no vote. Over sixty
percent of the American public voted no in 96 and their voices
were not heard because of the other Big Lie, voter apathy. Well, this has gotta
be stopped. Thats why I want to start a national campaign against voter
apathy with a no vote. Heres how it works: if you dont
believe in any of the candidates on the slate next November, walk into the voting
booth, look for a little piece of paper in one of the upper corners, pull out
a Sharpie and write on it, I Vote NO. This is called a write-in
vote and its probably the voters greatest weapon (use it often!).
Then, pull the lever. You have just voted against voter apathy. Now, tell all
your apathetic friends to do the same, and tell them to tell their friends.
Sure, its not legally binding, but the powers that be might actually start
to get a little concerned if Americas people finally stood up and said,
loud and clear, NO. Is this throwing away your vote? Hell, no! If
you were going to vote for some asshole you didnt like anyway, how could
actively voting against everyone be any more of a waste?
Imagine how much of the voting populace could get in on this... not just non-voters, but all those people who vote by voting against candidates they dont like, too! Imagine, that could be more that 75% of the voting populace, easily! The obvious message here, everything else aside, is that democracy only works when you vote, and when you vote how you believe, instead of validating some big corrupt political juggernauts power with your voice. Well, thats my message for this week. My busy schedule fucking with the powers that be might not let me get back in touch for a while, but just remember... theres nothing about fascism that cant be solved with baseball bat.
Next Time: Fear And Loathing In Unrestricted Global Capitalism