Features | Back to Issue 8
Eds. Note: If you don’t realize how sarcastic this is, fuck you then.
emo n. A style of music derived from punk rock and/or hardcore, typically signified by an intensely melodic, intricately structured and/or melodically dissonant, emotion-invoking sound; and introspective, often melancholy lyrics. (Ex. The Promise Ring, Jawbreaker, Sense Field) adj. 1) Of or pertaining to the musical style of emo (an emo band.) 2) Of or pertaining to any object, individual or situation invoking similar emotions as emo music (That shirt is so emo.). [also emo-core or emoticore (archaic); from English emotion + hardcore].
In case you haven’t noticed, emo is definitely the trend of the hour. Whether it’s DC hardcore, melodic punk from the Bay or bittersweet midwest crybaby music you’re into, it’s all emo these days. Take this quiz and see just how emo you really are.
1) How would you be most likely to use the word “emo” in a sentence?
a) I thought “emo” was a character on Sesame Street...
2) Which would you be most likely to be seen wearing
3) Typically, how many words long are the names
of your favorite bands? (“The” does count as a word.)
4) Name your favorite kind of undershirt.
5) The average lifetime of a band you like is...
6) If you were to release a 7” what would you put
on the cover?
7) When you get rejected by a boy or girl, what
do you do?
8) Which of the following would you be most likely
to listen to?
9) Which of the following ages is closest to the
age that you got your first real kiss?
10) Which of the following ages is closest to the
age that you lost your virginity? If still a virgin, estimate....
11) When you first heard “emo” what was it called?
12) My favorite baseball team is
13) My favorite movie is
14) I have a crush on (pick one from either list)
a) the singer from Dropkick Murphys
15) Which describes you best
16) Choose your favorite pick-up line from the
SCORING: each (a): 1 pt each (b): 2 pts each (c): 3 pts each (d): 5 pts
16-30 points: Although you are likely aware of the emo scene, it would take a lot more than your Fugazi collection to ever infiltrate it in any meaningful way. Face it, you’re just not the sensitive, whiny type. We suggest you try forging an identity based around some other accepted archtype, such as punk rock, hardcore, or mainstream society. Oh, and you might actually have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend some day.
31-45 points: You probably own a couple Jawbreaker albums already at least, and maybe even a pair of glasses (real prescription glasses, of course). You might not be quite as emotionally fragile as some, but rainy days and (happy) Mondays probably tend to bring you down. We suggest you buy a record player and try to get hold of whatever gets good reviews in Muddle. Your love life is probably tepid, but we bet you get laid or get dates occasionally.
46-60 points: You were probably the first kid on your block with “30 Degrees Everywhere” and if you’re not blind as a bat in a snowstorm, you probably wear glasses anyhow. Obviously we can’t tell you anything more about emo than you already know, and you were probably bitching about this quiz the moment you saw the word “emo” used in a serious context. We suggest that you marry for money or status, because you’re obviously way too sensitive to ever successfully carry out any kind of meaningful relationship. Your uber-scenester status might get you laid occassionally, but you’ll always feel guilty in the morning.